After the exhaustion of trying to pretend for so long that everything means something, this morning I am overwhelmed...

Posted by Richard J Perry on Thursday, 14 May 2015

Smitten Lucifer

A Trip Around The Mobius Strip

I've come to realise that a magnetic field is too simple a metaphor for bipolar it's more like a mobius strip - good becomes bad, bad becomes good, good becomes bad, bad becomes good and it is all the same thing - good and bad things all at the same time, indivisible and continuous - I love geometry! That is all. :-)

Upers to Downers

So off the antidepressants now and on 10mg of downers, the CPN idea seems to have been kicked into the long grass and still no diagnosis; it feels to me that they won't diagnose me because it would make me more expensive and they think they can get away with it - particularly if I kill myself. What a tragedy..... if only we had known, blah, blah....

Anyway - trying to stay relatively stable and do stuff in the brief summer of my year.

Might see you later, might be dead.

Can I have my shoelaces back please

It seems it was more than a dash of hypo.... fucking up my prescription intake probably didn't help either.

Spent most of Saturday in the local AE and Clinic Decision Unit on suicide watch and now it looks like I may even get a CPN - ooooooooohooooh lucky fucking me.

I'm now being given my new pills (serious shit - Olanzapine) one at a time by my local Crisis and Home Treatment Team. And all I had to do to do this was have a total breakdown outside my local pub - it only took half an hour for one of the fine citizens of Cambridge to come to my aid. But much less to be ignored, laughed at abused (some fucker was trying to film me with his phone) - it was like living with my family again.

Anyway - it's cool now and I'm trying to make up for lost time (10 months of Major depression)

Catch you laters XXX

Drug or Glastonbury Induced Hypomania

Hello again,

Not sure if it is the venlafaxine or the festival (lack of sleep, food, alcohol, smoking, sensory overload) but I seem to be having a little dash of the old hypo - yum yum!

Seeing the psych on Thursday - see if the fuck will finally sign off on a proper diagnosis after seeing me both ways in the course of a month.

Catch you later granmotherfuckers!

Rx

The First Cut Is The Bestest

Cut some negative people out of my life recently and I am now so much calmer without all that pointless anxiety. I'm going to trust my first instinct, I can see people are going to hurt me but are always drawn in by a negative pattern of attachment.

Fucking plastic, self hating hippies don't you just hate 'em! :)